The Singing, Burping Mess of a Date

This has got to be my worst date yet. It happened a couple of months ago, but I kept forgetting to put it up here. So here it is!

I was going on a second date with this guy I met through a mutual friend. Our first date had seemed fun, but we didn't spend a whole lot of time together, either. For our second date, he picked me up and took me to Chipotle. We started talking, and I soon found that he had planned on staying the night with me and driving home in the morning. 1. I was NOT okay with this. Um...second date, anyone? 2. He hadn't even asked me if he could do so! 3. I went back through my text messages, and there were NO messages I sent that could have sounded like I was inviting him to stay. I deferred the conversation and decided it was Future Me's problem.

On our drive back, he started belching. Now, I say belching because these were not "normal" burps (like someone should be burping ANY way on a first date!). He was full-on letting it all hang loose. After the third burp, I made the joking remark, "You're gross."
Him: "What?"
Me: "Um, the burping?"
Him: "Well, I just feel so comfortable with you."

Not okay, man. Gross. Anyway, we get back to my place and decide to watch a movie. In the middle of it, he decides to kiss me (which I have a problem with anyway, because it was Rock and Rolla - if he wanted a makeout movie, we should have watched "It's Complicated" or something equally uncomplicated). BUT IT GETS WORSE. His breath was rotten. It's forgivable, really. So I wait just a little bit, and then grab some gum and ask him if he wants any. If you had just kissed someone, and they asked if you wanted gum, wouldn't you get the hint? GUESS WHO DIDN'T?! I was avoiding kissing at all costs the rest of the night.

After the movie, we just sat and talked for a while. We were getting into a really good conversation, and I was just starting to think to myself, "Gee, maybe this guy isn't so bad. We are having a really good conversation," when all of a sudden, something I say reminds him of a song. So he quotes the song. Strange, but I can handle it. I just said something like, "Oh, okay." And then he sang the song. Sang it. No music around or anything. He just decided that in the middle of a conversation was an excellent time to serenade me with an AFI song I didn't even know about emo-type things. It was extremely weird, and he continued to do that off and on for the next hour or so.

By 1:00 am, I'd had enough. I'd been up since 7 am working, and then I had to deal with Crazy since pretty much when I got off work. It was time for him to leave. So I did what any person does when they have a crazy person in their house and want said crazy person to leave - I pretended to fall asleep. This did not work...he just kept on talking. My first thought was, "SERIOUSLY?!" So then I made the comment, "Well, I'm pretty tired..."
Him: "I see that."
Me: (fuming) "Are you going to go get a hotel or drive back home now?"
(He tries to kiss me)
Me: (dodges bad breath and the urge to strangle him simultaneously) "Are you going to answer my question?"
Him: "Yes."
Me: "Yes to what?"
Him: "Yes, I'll answer your question."
Me: "OK. What's your answer?"
Him: "In time." (tries to kiss me)
Me: (screaming in his face) "Seriously! I'm tired, practically falling asleep. Would you please just make up your mind and tell me what you're doing now!?"
Him: "................I think I'll drive home."
Me: "K BYE."

He left, and needless to say, he did not get a goodbye kiss. The worst thing was, he thought the date WENT WELL. I had to break it off with him and explain (as nicely as I could) that the things he does are nowhere near the realm of normalcy.

Since then, I've had pretty normal dates. But now that I'm in a new city, I'm sure I'll go through a whole new bunch of crazies...so stay tuned!